Community Conditioning,
Alignment of Individual Perception
First, I want to make clear something I've been noticing on different Community boards: nobody OWNS social dynamic theories. This shit is all part of Human Behavior. Everything is already out there, happening on it's own. The gurus that come up with new "techniques" or "mindsets" are really just guys that are putting labels on PsychoSocial Dynamic Systems that already exist, and reverse-analyzing them. Newton didn't INVENT Gravity, he DISCOVERED it. The science was ALWAYS there. The same holds true for attraction, and seduction. Every technique, trick, and mindset, is already out there, floating around, just waiting to be noticed.
I see guys on different boards nuthugging different Gurus because they have coined a flashy-named-mindset that seems to REALLY WORK. Guys think, "holy shit, man, this guy is a fucking GENIUS. His method creates RESULTS. He's is moving the GAME to WHOLE NEW LEVELS. He's completely REINVENTING the game of ATTRACTION!" I see this all the time, and it just cracks me up. Sometimes I'll pop onto threads like these and I can't help but laugh. I want to grab these guys by the shoulders, and shake them, and say "hey man, the truth is OUT THERE, for YOU to discover from PERSONAL EXPERIENCE. All these gurus are doing is just putting catchy-names on psychology that's been around for CENTURIES." And damn, decades from now, there will be so many more elegant and dynamic explorations into PsychoSocial Dynamics and Attraction, but you know what? That's all going to be shit that you and I see everyday, right now. Human behavior hasn't changed. The problem is, most of us are just too stuck in our own heads to notice what's going on around us.
The reason I'm bringing this up, is because I see so much potential being squandered by subordination. The loyal "followers" that spend their days by augmenting their social behaviors in accordance with the "theories" and "mindsets" of Guru SoAndSo. "Guru SoAndSo is fucking MONEY. This guy KNOWS how to get laid. I'll get out there, and act like he tells me to act, and think about thinks the way he thinks about things, and then, man, I might be able to get as good as HE is. And I've got a fucking poster of him on my wall, too. I love you, GuruSoAndSo! You're fucking awesome." And you know what's REALLY funny about this? Quotes like that are ACTUALLY TRUE for SO MANY guys out there. I've SEEN guys saying shit like that. Literally. NO exagerration.
I want to highlight this issue, because I believe that becomming aware of it is the first step to overcoming it. See, the problem is, by nut-hugging gurus and idolizing their theories, guys are making the biggest mistake when it comes to improving their own growth an attractive, socially calibrated men. The biggest mistake is: discounting your own attractive appeal.
You guys don't NEED any of this shit. To spend your days trying to master "the game" and "sarging", and trying to figure out why you're getting "blown out" is just fucking pathetic. And I say that with the utmost compassion. Really. I'm saying it's pathetic, not as a negative, derogatory term, but as a synonym for a Tragedy. I don't think LESS of guys that do this, I genuinely feel SORRY for them, and I WANT them to realize that all this social "training" that they are putting themself through is really the wrong way to approach all of this. It's wrong. I firmly believe that. Just because alot of guys acheive success from the process, that doesn't mean the process is correct.
Point out every guy that gets to "where he wants to be" in the game, and I'll show you a guy who has come to the realization that the only "game" they need, is themselves. And you know what the gurus are doing at that point? They start to explain their own personality traits. They take experiences they've had with girls, and they reverse-analyze what they said, or did, or thought about, with the girl, in order to put a label onto a new "mindset" or "technique". They are dissecting themselves, and doing Social Autopsies in order to find some behavior or mindset that can be coreographed and repeated for future re-use.
By embracing Guru SoAndSo's theories and formulas, guys are, in essence, trying to be something that they are not. They're trying to "correct" or "improve" their behaviors. Or worse, they're trying to CREATE a new PERSONALITY. This, right there, is a travisty, in my opinion. Because every guy, every single guy out there, has something unique and wonderful about him. The ultimate failure is that, most of these guys are being SOCIALLY CONDITIONED, by the very community that claims it is destroying social coniditioning mindsets. The victims here are the ambitious young men that wish to make something of themselves. They want to "fix" their "AFC" or "CHODE" behaviors. They want to BE like Guru SoAndSo. They want this, they want that, they want better, they want more. And in the process, they lose sight of the most powerful truth there is: they are devoting their time to a lifestyle of ABANDONING and RESISTING their own Individual Value and Worth (which is, in all honesty, greater than ANYTHING ELSE. Period. There is NOTHING more important than this.)
In Daoism, a very popular teaching is that: the more you try to ATTAIN the DAO (enlightenment), the farther you actually move AWAY from it.
For me, this hits home when I look about the various dating and attraction communities. Guys out there are trying SO HARD to become ATTRACTIVE and SEX-WORTHY with techniques, mindsets, theories, tricks, and everything under the sun... But all this is just LATERAL movement. They're moving sideways, like crabs, instead of moving FORWARD and acheiving actual Spiritual Growth. You see, the more they try to learn about "what it takes" be attractive, the less they realize that THEY ALREADY ARE.
Thinking recently about some of my social experiences, I've come across a PsychoSocial mindset that I believe can REALLY help the guys out there that I see falling into this ever-growing Venus FlyTrap.
I'm going to coin a term here: The Perception of the Social Situation. This relates specifically to what is HAPPENING between people as they interact. This is something anyone walking by in person, or reading along online, or listening in on the phone, can observe. They can think "oh, these two are arguing with eachother", or "these three are joking around with eachother and having fun", or "these two are flirting with eachother". That's the Perception of the Social Situation. It's the observable dynamic of human interaction.
Now what I want to talk about goes deeper than that. I'm talking about the Alignment of Individual Perception. When this happens, the Social Situation DISAPPEARS from notice (for the individuals involved), and the interaction simply becomes a mutual exchange of Thoughts and Emotions. You've experienced this with people that you've known for a long time, such as your parents or siblings, or your very close friends. This is when you no longer feel self-conscious, and at the same time, you no longer pay attention to the Social Dynamic between you and them. The only thing you really notice, is their personality, and what they are expressing. This is Individual Perception. You are observing the Individual's Perception of the world, as they present it to you. "This is how I feel right now, this is what I'm thinking about right now," etc.. etc. That's their Individual Perception.
But when you really click, when you really hit on all cylinders, is when YOUR Individual Perception (your Thoughts and Emotions, your view of the world) ALIGNS with the Individual Perception of the person you're interacting with. This is when you'll hear things like "oh my god, I totally feel that way," and "that's EXACTLY what I've been thinking for years", and "it's like you're reading my mind", etc. etc.. What happens when Individual Perceptions Align is, the Social Dynamic completely falls off the radar. The individuals involved in Alignment become increasingly unconcerned with personal boundaries, and social norms.
Have you ever found yourself really "connecting" with a girl, and suddenly you two are laughing, and touching eachother, and expressing yourself enthusiastically without concern, and it seems like all the barriers and obstacles between the two of you have just, "dissolved" away? It's because your Individual Perceptions have Aligned. The Social Dynamic has melted away, so that, instead of things being YOU and HER, or HER and YOU, it has now become WE and US. By expressing your Thoughts and Emotions, you have allowed the girl to Align herself with your view of the world. The two of you, have, in essence, become an "invisible team".
This behavior is nothing new to human dynamics... You see guys doing this all the time when they are inexperienced with girls. The community loosely refers to the vagueness of the subject as "rapport" or "comfort". What I'm talking about is much more specific, much more applicable, and much more powerful. The mistake alot of guys make is they believe that comfort, or rapport, involves learning, and sharing, INFORMATION about eachother. "What do you do for fun? Where did you grow up? What's your favorite food?".. This is really the amateur's grasp of Aligning Individual Perceptions. When I see guys doing this, I feel the way a professional fighter would feel when he watches two guys in a street fight. I can see how completely FLAILING, INNEFECTIVE, and UNINFORMED the behavior is.
Aligning Invidual Perceptions has nothing to do with information... It has EVERYTHING to do with THOUGHTS and EMOTIONS. And more specifically, it's about expressing your thoughts, and emotions, without apology, AND, without EXPECTATION. This is the second level of understanding, in that, most guys that learn theories and mindsets, they go about adopting them into their behavior with an EXPECTATION of seeing RESULTS or CHANGES. The conundrum is that, all attractive behavior shares the same foundation of Modus Operandi: guys do attractive things when they express their thoughts, and emotions, without any ulterior motives. That means, if you want to be attractive, you shouldn't TRY to be attractive. You should simply be OFFERING an Alignment of Individual Perceptions. You are GIVING the girl you're with an OPPORTUNITY to be on your "Invisible Team".
Yesterday I struck up a conversation with a girl that I met on the street. We got to chatting, just polite, curious conversation, and while she was telling me something about herself (sharing information, which is, remember, street-fighting tactics.. the flailing, ineffective, and uninformed method of escalation), I cut her off mid-sentence and said "hey, you know, you seem like a really cool person. I want to get to know you better. You want to go grab some ice-cream with me and go for a walk?" She was a bit surprised, but she agreed. As we hung out, instead of talking about "information", I just spoke my mind about things I noticed while we were interacting.. I teased her about her accent. I told her that I liked her eyes. I wondered aloud about conversation topics that came up, and she did the same. We spent half-an-hour talking with eachother, and we learned virtually NOTHING about eachother, in terms of Information. We even had to re-ask our names after about 20 minutes, because frankly, we didn't know. But at the same time, we also knew HUGE amounts about eachother, in terms of personality, and thoughts, and emotions. We got to know WHO we were, without all the bullshit. We got to know HOW we were, without all the details. We were Aligning our Individual Perceptions of ourselves, and the world. We were becomming an Invisible Team.
This "team" became apparent as we walked.. at one point a guy actually came up and started hitting on her, and she leaned over and whispered to me "augh! save me!". It wasn't even about AMOG tactics, or his looks vs. mine.. or who was more "alpha".. It was HER, and ME, moving together throughout the external world.
The interesting insight here is that this Alignment of Individual Perceptions has virtually nothing to do with the "techniques" or "theories" like Negging, Cocky+Funny, Sexual Intent, Active Disinterest, or any of that. By operating from a mindset of Alignment, all of that fluff is BYPASSED. It's like the long straight-stick in Tetris going straight down the middle gap. You just go right past all the unnecessary clutter and hit home.
Because what negs, and disinterest, or intent, or kino, or cocky+funny, or any other of that stuff is really about, is they are practical applications towards demonstrating qualities about what kind of person you are. The thing is, you don't need to demonstrate your "qualities" when you can actually allow her to, straight up, EXPERIENCE what kind of person you are. You give her the opportunity to Align with your WorldView by expressing your Thoughts, and Emotions, openly, and without expectation. You interact with her like the once-in-a-lifetime experience that YOU are.
The guys out there that are still studying and practicing the theories, they are making the misconception that Tactics and Techniques are what COMPRISES of an attractive personality. In actuality, tactics and techniques are just ways to (at times, fraudulently) HINT at the attractive personality beneath it. And when guys get too deep into this stuff, they lose all connection with their Core Self, and find themselves feeling Hollow, like an empty case of Knight's Armor: Shiny and attractive on the outside, with nothing of value on the inside.
Guys in the communities have misled themselves into pursuing a single, arbitrary facet of human interaction: Lust. Nearly everything I read, in terms of social dynamics and attraction, is about generating Lust, escalating Lust, or improving your Lustful Appeal.
I'm advocating approaching the game from the perspective of Aligning your Individual Perception with hers, as a way to return the game to what I really believe it should be about: embracing the attractive appeal of WHO YOU ARE and HOW YOU ARE. As far as attraction goes, I feel there is nothing more liberating, honest, and empowering as this. And this ENCOMPASSES Lust as well. When you're Aligned with a girl as an "invisible team", telling her "I want to fuck you so hard right now" is totally natural because it's all part of your open-expressiveness that you've got going on with her.
And moving on to the higher level of gaming in this way, you can then begin to appreciate what you're REALLY capable of: GIVING and CREATING positivity and enjoyment for the girl that is on your Invisible Team.
When you get to this level, you no longer use your understanding of Social Dynamics from a perspective of "self". You do it to ENHANCE the MOMENTS that you share with eachother. Negs, Intent, Woo, Kino, Cocky+Funny, etc.. etc.. You will understand that these "attraction builders" or "escalation techniques" are really just things that guys pursue because they don't really know how to really "connect" with a girl. You'll see that while guys are out there trying to "seduce" chicks, you're out there EHANCING MOMENTS that you engage in with the purpose of MUTUAL ENJOYMENT, rather than PERSONAL GAIN.
I could go on for hours about this stuff, as I feel like I'm only beginning to scratch the surface here.. but for now, I hope this has given at least ONE of you a new perspective to think about.
Cheers guys, and best of luck.
