Called tom up, and we talked for a bit, mainly about me and sophie. he said that everyone's been through this, where i thought we'd be together forever and shit. but yeah, its not working out, so its time for me to move on. i will remember the memories, but like in what seduction forums said, remember it, then forget about it for the next minute. think back and reflect at your mistakes.
its true what tom said. she's had her chance. a shitload of it. i wanted her back. i regretted things.
this is what i told her: (word for word)
Dont worry bout "us" anymore. People have convinced me to move on. Just like hw ur bestmate did. I loved you so much. and it frickin hurts that u like someone else while you love me as you said. I will always remember that kiss when it was raining. weve had a good run, and ive given you a chance to come back. Looks like its time to move on 4 me. and u shud move on too.
her: You made yourself clear the text before where i stand. but im here if you need to talk. you will be in my heart forever, dont worry im here.
my reply: my last txt, i meant that. its my final descicion. c u.
God that was fucking hard.she gave me mixed signals.
Fucking bitches.
its over now.
Look elsewhere cause you're done with me.
Fuck what i said, it dont mean shit now.
Fuck the presents might as well throw em out
fuck all those kissess it ddnt mean jack, fuck you you hoe,
I DONT WANT YOU BACK.
Tuesday, 6 May 2008
Today
i talked to sophie in the morning today, we deicded yesterday that emo hearts would be equivalent to "i love you"
She sent quite a few to me, knowing that i sent a few back.
It hurts me to see her not wearing the stuff that i gave her, like the necklace and stuff. hmm. odd. why am i still in love with her?
anyways, more on that later.
i spoke to her mum a bit, said happy birthday and stuff, we chatted for a bit, then she mentioned that she's my worst nightmare (in a joking manner)
Funny, lol. i actually like her now, lmao.
anyways, yeah i was flirting with everyone today, i got a lot of kissess in the cheek, none for the lips. i tried it on hayley, ddnt quite work. i think im gonna have to ask someone out first. i think i'll ask her out this week or next week. just to fuck her.
asking out is AFC, what the fuck am i thinking. no to asking out. just pull a move.
i also asked hayden yesterday to keep an eye out for john and sophie, like if they're getting on each other etc. i told sophie i was quite angry that she got over me quite quickly, but she said that she isnt over me yet. she's embarrassed bout what happened (her getting on him etc) and like she's lost many friends and stuff.
Serves you right, bitch.
Anyways, she said she was sorry for it as well.
she said she's avoiding the subject because she's confused.
anyways, today in college, i felt like a pimp =D bit of kino on ashleigh, u know, the works. kino on Hayley as well. im doing gooood. =D Rejected though with hayley (aimed for a kiss, well asked, fucking hell im really an AFC now)
Sidenote the day was good, i was quite cheerful knowing that i could get on anyone.
...
Sorry, just had a flash of memory, that kiss i shared with sophie yesterday was so special tbh, it gives me well bad butterflies. i just had it right now, my stomach feels heavy and my knees feel weak =/
ive never kissed her like that before.
anyways yeah, she's going to celine dion today, so my plan is to make as much involvement as possible, like asking tom/luke to talk to her and stuff, so that when she hears all this emotional shit she'll be thinking of me (Y)
I hope. i hope she thinks of me and not john, lol.
if something happens i will edit this (Y)
Peace out sinful.
She sent quite a few to me, knowing that i sent a few back.
It hurts me to see her not wearing the stuff that i gave her, like the necklace and stuff. hmm. odd. why am i still in love with her?
anyways, more on that later.
i spoke to her mum a bit, said happy birthday and stuff, we chatted for a bit, then she mentioned that she's my worst nightmare (in a joking manner)
Funny, lol. i actually like her now, lmao.
anyways, yeah i was flirting with everyone today, i got a lot of kissess in the cheek, none for the lips. i tried it on hayley, ddnt quite work. i think im gonna have to ask someone out first. i think i'll ask her out this week or next week. just to fuck her.
asking out is AFC, what the fuck am i thinking. no to asking out. just pull a move.
i also asked hayden yesterday to keep an eye out for john and sophie, like if they're getting on each other etc. i told sophie i was quite angry that she got over me quite quickly, but she said that she isnt over me yet. she's embarrassed bout what happened (her getting on him etc) and like she's lost many friends and stuff.
Serves you right, bitch.
Anyways, she said she was sorry for it as well.
she said she's avoiding the subject because she's confused.
anyways, today in college, i felt like a pimp =D bit of kino on ashleigh, u know, the works. kino on Hayley as well. im doing gooood. =D Rejected though with hayley (aimed for a kiss, well asked, fucking hell im really an AFC now)
Sidenote the day was good, i was quite cheerful knowing that i could get on anyone.
...
Sorry, just had a flash of memory, that kiss i shared with sophie yesterday was so special tbh, it gives me well bad butterflies. i just had it right now, my stomach feels heavy and my knees feel weak =/
ive never kissed her like that before.
anyways yeah, she's going to celine dion today, so my plan is to make as much involvement as possible, like asking tom/luke to talk to her and stuff, so that when she hears all this emotional shit she'll be thinking of me (Y)
I hope. i hope she thinks of me and not john, lol.
if something happens i will edit this (Y)
Peace out sinful.
Monday, 5 May 2008
ahh today
Well i left my house today, cluthing three pages of memories worth that i was going to give to sophie outen.
i was pissed off and upset. not a good combination. Bus ride to mcdonalds, walked to train station.
Perfect, i had 5 minutes to get a ticket.
Surprise, a fucking gigantic queue.
i politely asked the guy in front of me if i could jump the queue cause im in a rush, he refuses and says he's in a rush as well. (3 minutes left)
pensioner up front frickin buying a monthly pass, jesus fucking christ.
its 5 past now. 12:05. the train has come, i told him to give me the ticket and keep the change.
Ran like fuck. i just made it. it got to stanford le-hope, and sophie outen was there with eddy-fuck-whorebag.
i waited for another stop. lee and some guy who i disliked got on the train, and eden and sophie met them
i gathered up the guts to go upto her and ask her if we can talk.
it wasnt very nice. tearful and stuff. upsetting x. talked bout stuff really,i cant remember, it was too emotional. i cried halfway through. we held hands every now and then.
we got off the train, and stopped for a bit. just like hugged and stuff. i kissed her at that time, and it felt awkward. but reassuring. she was getting annoyed, so she wanted to go back to her friends.
my heart was thumping ever since i saw her. i left now, and waited for steve and such to come, it was exactly an hour and 45 minutes till they come. and i waited patiently. trying to find reasons why i shouldnt kill myself. finding everything relates back to her. carrying around that folder.... that has stuff in it. things that she would write stuff in to show her love to me.
it was horrible. carrying it around whilst walking. i couldnt focus at all.
steve+demi+jeff (new dood) came, we chatted for a bit. mostly bout me+sophie and shiz.
i wanted to burn that folder. they said she kissed john chart. (some emo twat) yesterday when she was drunk. and he was really drunk as well.
anyways more on that later:
we met up with them, and i couldnt breathe properly when i was going to the lake, i could see a pink thing wrapped around a black thing, and i assumed it was sophie sitting on john's lap and they were getting on each other. i couldnt breathe at all. my heart was pounding. i thought i was gonna faint. i looked closer and turned to a corner, to see sophie smiling and looking at the sunlight, john nowhere in sight.
i calmed down. then i saw lee and eden. my heart raced. if that bitch said anytthing harsh i would beat her down to 3 feet, oh wait, someone beat me to it. i would beat her down smaller and throw her to the lake. and his emo boyfriend as well. Fucking twat.
me and sophie talked things for ages in the lake. ages. and i mean ages. we talked stuff. bout john. it went indepth. that she really ddnt love him as she loved me, she just got on him for the fun of it. she'll probably say yes if john asks her out, but i dont think it'll last long.
Eden and Lee left.
we kissed. a lot of times. hugged, held hands. it was so special.
anyways, she just basically wants to be friends for now. cause her parents had gotten into her (couldnt blame her) and her best mate is pulling away and stuff and shiz.
its fine. we decided to be friends for now, but we both agreed that we will try again in the future. im fine by that!
she said we cant kiss anymore in public and stuff, but we can whenever were alone. which is a good thing.
She said she loves me and that's all that matters.
LOL.
i got you there ddnt i, i told myself that i'd be a PUA. and i WILL.
pua part:
the plan is, shag a shitlot of girls, until sophie is ready to be back out with me.
Stop.
no, im not waiting for her to come back if at the time when she's ready for a relationship and im free, then we'll give it another go. =D
i also realised how good a person steve really is. Steve is a really good friend. when eden and steve were going out, i cant believe i was neutral and helped eden cope.
FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING WHORE
ahh, tourettes kicking in again. she is actually such a fucking cunt. for so many reasons. she manipulated sophie into doing stuff that she doesnt want to do. like saying stuff and shit. she is a cunt. basically.
if i could stab someone right now, besides my real dad, i would stab eden dare. and possibly lee.
anyways, i hope lee catches genital warts. i apologise lee, ur a good friend but for going out with a whore like her? LOL.
Demi is a good person as well, but things havent been going well with her and steve atm, apparantly.
Catch you soon Sinful. (decided on talking on a 3rd person perspective now.)
i was pissed off and upset. not a good combination. Bus ride to mcdonalds, walked to train station.
Perfect, i had 5 minutes to get a ticket.
Surprise, a fucking gigantic queue.
i politely asked the guy in front of me if i could jump the queue cause im in a rush, he refuses and says he's in a rush as well. (3 minutes left)
pensioner up front frickin buying a monthly pass, jesus fucking christ.
its 5 past now. 12:05. the train has come, i told him to give me the ticket and keep the change.
Ran like fuck. i just made it. it got to stanford le-hope, and sophie outen was there with eddy-fuck-whorebag.
i waited for another stop. lee and some guy who i disliked got on the train, and eden and sophie met them
i gathered up the guts to go upto her and ask her if we can talk.
it wasnt very nice. tearful and stuff. upsetting x. talked bout stuff really,i cant remember, it was too emotional. i cried halfway through. we held hands every now and then.
we got off the train, and stopped for a bit. just like hugged and stuff. i kissed her at that time, and it felt awkward. but reassuring. she was getting annoyed, so she wanted to go back to her friends.
my heart was thumping ever since i saw her. i left now, and waited for steve and such to come, it was exactly an hour and 45 minutes till they come. and i waited patiently. trying to find reasons why i shouldnt kill myself. finding everything relates back to her. carrying around that folder.... that has stuff in it. things that she would write stuff in to show her love to me.
it was horrible. carrying it around whilst walking. i couldnt focus at all.
steve+demi+jeff (new dood) came, we chatted for a bit. mostly bout me+sophie and shiz.
i wanted to burn that folder. they said she kissed john chart. (some emo twat) yesterday when she was drunk. and he was really drunk as well.
anyways more on that later:
we met up with them, and i couldnt breathe properly when i was going to the lake, i could see a pink thing wrapped around a black thing, and i assumed it was sophie sitting on john's lap and they were getting on each other. i couldnt breathe at all. my heart was pounding. i thought i was gonna faint. i looked closer and turned to a corner, to see sophie smiling and looking at the sunlight, john nowhere in sight.
i calmed down. then i saw lee and eden. my heart raced. if that bitch said anytthing harsh i would beat her down to 3 feet, oh wait, someone beat me to it. i would beat her down smaller and throw her to the lake. and his emo boyfriend as well. Fucking twat.
me and sophie talked things for ages in the lake. ages. and i mean ages. we talked stuff. bout john. it went indepth. that she really ddnt love him as she loved me, she just got on him for the fun of it. she'll probably say yes if john asks her out, but i dont think it'll last long.
Eden and Lee left.
we kissed. a lot of times. hugged, held hands. it was so special.
anyways, she just basically wants to be friends for now. cause her parents had gotten into her (couldnt blame her) and her best mate is pulling away and stuff and shiz.
its fine. we decided to be friends for now, but we both agreed that we will try again in the future. im fine by that!
she said we cant kiss anymore in public and stuff, but we can whenever were alone. which is a good thing.
She said she loves me and that's all that matters.
LOL.
i got you there ddnt i, i told myself that i'd be a PUA. and i WILL.
pua part:
the plan is, shag a shitlot of girls, until sophie is ready to be back out with me.
Stop.
no, im not waiting for her to come back if at the time when she's ready for a relationship and im free, then we'll give it another go. =D
i also realised how good a person steve really is. Steve is a really good friend. when eden and steve were going out, i cant believe i was neutral and helped eden cope.
FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING WHORE
ahh, tourettes kicking in again. she is actually such a fucking cunt. for so many reasons. she manipulated sophie into doing stuff that she doesnt want to do. like saying stuff and shit. she is a cunt. basically.
if i could stab someone right now, besides my real dad, i would stab eden dare. and possibly lee.
anyways, i hope lee catches genital warts. i apologise lee, ur a good friend but for going out with a whore like her? LOL.
Demi is a good person as well, but things havent been going well with her and steve atm, apparantly.
Catch you soon Sinful. (decided on talking on a 3rd person perspective now.)
=D
its fun reading your old blog, it lets you know of your progress!
i promise to write something here on my blog at LEAST once a week, tell us what's happening in your life eh sinful?
=]
i promise to write something here on my blog at LEAST once a week, tell us what's happening in your life eh sinful?
=]
Being Single
So 2 nights ago, i decide to end it with Sophie outen, ive been with her since september 10? i think? of last year, 2007. i ended things cause of many reasons.
she was quite stupid sometimes, and i always had to save her ass when she's being stupid.
she lacks common sense as well, and is quite self centered.
She's very smart though, and she made me feel really loved. when i broke up with her, it didnt feel like the same person that ive met before. and she told me her reasons why. She told me that she was young, and she needs to live life more. and that if she was with me, she'd want to be with me forever.
Bullcrap. She's said that before a million times before. the whole "i want to be with you forever" thing. Which she lied about as well. Things do change, but i hate seeing someone change right in front of my eyes.
Ive been crying for 2 days, and its actually physically making me sick. even when i play GTA 4 (god bless rockstar) i still get reminded of her. Even as i lay on my bed, i remember laying down with her after having sex.
ahh, anyways, details later. WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS POST DEAR OLD SINFUL!?
Its to acknowledge my future self of the pain that i went through (and is still going through) right now cause of a certain unnappreciative bitch. currently this song suits my mood:
=D
anyways, after friday night when i ended things, we argued for the whole of saturday, then yesterday (which is sunday) we just started talking casually. She said that she doesnt really want to be with me and shit like that, cause she wants to do some stuff. (probably getting on other boys, fucking slag.)
i was awake till like 2 o clock yesterday, woke up at 7. so that's 5 hours sleep? haha!
anywho, as i was saying: Today marks the day that i turn into a full fledged PUA. my PuA career was almost at its peak when i met sophie outen. then she changed my life around. When i met her, everything just seemed to fall into place. and now, to be quite honest, i would go back out with her. but not soon. no. Hell fucking no. her bitch of a best friend also got involved. which made things worse. i shouldnt have helped that bitch when she was crying and on an all time low.
Ahhh, Anyways Being single means that i can become a full fledged PuA. who knows, maybe i'll fuck my X in the future. So frankly, i dont care. Lol!
Ive also still got this ring that we had for each other. i conveniently broke the necklace part so that i can give it to her broken, weve had that ring since we started seeing each other. it means a lot you know, future self. i remember saying to her that i'll be her bitch until i stop wearing that ring.
anyways, i was awake till 1 in the morning last night texting her, and i said:
" as i stare at this thing that connects me to you, waiting for something to give me life, tears roll down my face in a never ending quest to drown my sorrow. "
Wow i must really have loved her. =D
Everything reminds me of her to be quite honest. from the floor of my room (we had sex for the first time =D) to the door of my room (first time getting head) to my white hoodie that i wore when i first fingered her. =D
Little things such as the key chain that we got from thorpe park (yes you remember now dont ya? )
My shoes, cause i remember crip walking to show her what it is.
my "pimp" jacket, she said im rape material whenever i wear it. hell, even my xbox360 chatpad. cause i only put it on to talk to her. even though it annoys the shit outta me to talk on msn on xbox live.
i'll have lots of fun Sarging in clubs. specially when she's around. it'd be quite hillarious to see her reaction when im Kiss closing someone right in front of her face.
i mean come on though, i knew it wasnt gonna last for long, but not THIS long! i mean everyone got involved, even her mum. so we started going out behind her back. its not like she left us a choice, she made it sound like she caught us having sex when i was just sending her "Juicy" text messages.
it was her fault that she got caught anyways, fucking twat.
And yeah im moving on quite quickly. ive got a heavy heart at the moment, and i need cheering up badly. Ive asked one of my friends (kirsty moore) to come out today and do something, maybe i should try fucking her? haha, she's too much of a good friend. if i fucked her i'd prolly run off to my next victim lol.
Hmm what else is there to say? there should be a lot to write you know, future self. you'll be seeing me in the future and pissing yourself LAUGHING at what the fuck im writing. I know you, i imagined you, i strive to become you.
The one thing that i learned from her, and i think its the only thing that i have actually learned, is that Love is No match for greed. in her case she was greedy and wanted to "live life". when we couldve had an open relationship.
Fucking twat.
Hope you have fun today jay, and i know later you u'll be reading this. i want you to input your day if you can allright? your past moulded you to become who you are, and lucky enough for you, im actually fucking clever so that you wont make the same mistakes again, like what im doing right now, im detailing what happened so that you can avoid it in the future.
Promise me one thing, that you wont get into a serious relationship until you get a car. when i mean serious i mean the whole "go round each other's house and buy her stuff" sort of thing.
she was quite stupid sometimes, and i always had to save her ass when she's being stupid.
she lacks common sense as well, and is quite self centered.
She's very smart though, and she made me feel really loved. when i broke up with her, it didnt feel like the same person that ive met before. and she told me her reasons why. She told me that she was young, and she needs to live life more. and that if she was with me, she'd want to be with me forever.
Bullcrap. She's said that before a million times before. the whole "i want to be with you forever" thing. Which she lied about as well. Things do change, but i hate seeing someone change right in front of my eyes.
Ive been crying for 2 days, and its actually physically making me sick. even when i play GTA 4 (god bless rockstar) i still get reminded of her. Even as i lay on my bed, i remember laying down with her after having sex.
ahh, anyways, details later. WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS POST DEAR OLD SINFUL!?
Its to acknowledge my future self of the pain that i went through (and is still going through) right now cause of a certain unnappreciative bitch. currently this song suits my mood:
=D
anyways, after friday night when i ended things, we argued for the whole of saturday, then yesterday (which is sunday) we just started talking casually. She said that she doesnt really want to be with me and shit like that, cause she wants to do some stuff. (probably getting on other boys, fucking slag.)
i was awake till like 2 o clock yesterday, woke up at 7. so that's 5 hours sleep? haha!
anywho, as i was saying: Today marks the day that i turn into a full fledged PUA. my PuA career was almost at its peak when i met sophie outen. then she changed my life around. When i met her, everything just seemed to fall into place. and now, to be quite honest, i would go back out with her. but not soon. no. Hell fucking no. her bitch of a best friend also got involved. which made things worse. i shouldnt have helped that bitch when she was crying and on an all time low.
Ahhh, Anyways Being single means that i can become a full fledged PuA. who knows, maybe i'll fuck my X in the future. So frankly, i dont care. Lol!
Ive also still got this ring that we had for each other. i conveniently broke the necklace part so that i can give it to her broken, weve had that ring since we started seeing each other. it means a lot you know, future self. i remember saying to her that i'll be her bitch until i stop wearing that ring.
anyways, i was awake till 1 in the morning last night texting her, and i said:
" as i stare at this thing that connects me to you, waiting for something to give me life, tears roll down my face in a never ending quest to drown my sorrow. "
Wow i must really have loved her. =D
Everything reminds me of her to be quite honest. from the floor of my room (we had sex for the first time =D) to the door of my room (first time getting head) to my white hoodie that i wore when i first fingered her. =D
Little things such as the key chain that we got from thorpe park (yes you remember now dont ya? )
My shoes, cause i remember crip walking to show her what it is.
my "pimp" jacket, she said im rape material whenever i wear it. hell, even my xbox360 chatpad. cause i only put it on to talk to her. even though it annoys the shit outta me to talk on msn on xbox live.
i'll have lots of fun Sarging in clubs. specially when she's around. it'd be quite hillarious to see her reaction when im Kiss closing someone right in front of her face.
i mean come on though, i knew it wasnt gonna last for long, but not THIS long! i mean everyone got involved, even her mum. so we started going out behind her back. its not like she left us a choice, she made it sound like she caught us having sex when i was just sending her "Juicy" text messages.
it was her fault that she got caught anyways, fucking twat.
And yeah im moving on quite quickly. ive got a heavy heart at the moment, and i need cheering up badly. Ive asked one of my friends (kirsty moore) to come out today and do something, maybe i should try fucking her? haha, she's too much of a good friend. if i fucked her i'd prolly run off to my next victim lol.
Hmm what else is there to say? there should be a lot to write you know, future self. you'll be seeing me in the future and pissing yourself LAUGHING at what the fuck im writing. I know you, i imagined you, i strive to become you.
The one thing that i learned from her, and i think its the only thing that i have actually learned, is that Love is No match for greed. in her case she was greedy and wanted to "live life". when we couldve had an open relationship.
Fucking twat.
Hope you have fun today jay, and i know later you u'll be reading this. i want you to input your day if you can allright? your past moulded you to become who you are, and lucky enough for you, im actually fucking clever so that you wont make the same mistakes again, like what im doing right now, im detailing what happened so that you can avoid it in the future.
Promise me one thing, that you wont get into a serious relationship until you get a car. when i mean serious i mean the whole "go round each other's house and buy her stuff" sort of thing.
Thursday, 1 November 2007
Fresher's party
Allright, So i feel Fucking sexy, im wearing jeans, k-swiss trainers a shirt and a waist coat. I FEEL SO FUCKING SEXY ALLRIGHT!?
So i enter the club with a girl in hand (kirsty moore) we find were the fuck we deposit our cloaks, we got a drink and sat down. Saw some friends over there, talked for a bit then danced.
Danced some more
Danced
started grinding. (woooh)
Overall, COmpletely DOMINATED. i grinded with like 3-5 girls but danced with a SHITLOT more. i got a complete DHV by knowing everyone in the club, its fucking insane every 10 seconds i see someone i know.
there was 2 dudes crip walking on stage, I showed off and Served their assess. BIATTTCH!
The only annoying part was that somewhat at the start of the club, there were these drunken chavs who literally dragged my head and put me in their circle and started stabbing me with glowsticks. Allright, not fun. i was like "errm, Allright.. weirdo's..." then tried to walk off, guy blocked me, i thought to myself "This guy really needs an ass wooping" but then again, party just started and i ddnt wanna be thrown out. i just walked it off.
After that tho, i danced for 3 hours. (it was from 7-1, but i left at 12)
So i enter the club with a girl in hand (kirsty moore) we find were the fuck we deposit our cloaks, we got a drink and sat down. Saw some friends over there, talked for a bit then danced.
Danced some more
Danced
started grinding. (woooh)
Overall, COmpletely DOMINATED. i grinded with like 3-5 girls but danced with a SHITLOT more. i got a complete DHV by knowing everyone in the club, its fucking insane every 10 seconds i see someone i know.
there was 2 dudes crip walking on stage, I showed off and Served their assess. BIATTTCH!
The only annoying part was that somewhat at the start of the club, there were these drunken chavs who literally dragged my head and put me in their circle and started stabbing me with glowsticks. Allright, not fun. i was like "errm, Allright.. weirdo's..." then tried to walk off, guy blocked me, i thought to myself "This guy really needs an ass wooping" but then again, party just started and i ddnt wanna be thrown out. i just walked it off.
After that tho, i danced for 3 hours. (it was from 7-1, but i left at 12)
Blog notice:
I finally got head from my GF, It feels So fucking great, cept that after the 3rd blowjob i noticed that it started bleeding. (so i may need to say to her what feels good and what doesnt)
Ciao for now xx
Ciao for now xx
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