Reasonable.

Today has actually been quite odd.

i had a 5 minute "Sophie" moment earlier before i went to take a shower, kinda hard to ignore tbh.

Anywho, yeah got dressed etc and whatnot. got to college, w/e. started the day allright.

Break time came, i felt alpha, but not as alpha as ive been before. im trying to hold eye contact with girls more often now, and smile while im at it. quite entertaining actually, these cute girls would just stare at me, and i'd stare at them back, i would break the ice by poking my tongue out or waving to them, or smiling. =D

like as i was sitting on the bus ride home, these year 10/11 kids got on, there were 3 of them, and 2 of them sat in front of me and one of them sat behind me. those in fornt of me kept forcing that other girl to sit on the other end of the aisle, across them. she wouldnt. they moved to the seat across mine, and they're now forcing her to sit next to me, i gave them the "oh, am i sort of diseased?" look +Smirk. i wanted to be CnF, but i ddnt really have time so i ddnt bother.

I got off the bus, and the two girls Hysterically tapped on the glass for my attention, i waved slightly to acknowledge them.

Ahh, feels good to be able to pull =D


Sidenote: im trying to work well in psychology and on my games for my xbox 360, i got Devil may cry 4 today and Dark Sector =D


Still ignoring sophie. Slut. =D

Shit.

Today was crap.

Suuureee i had the bragging rights.


i got on kirsty marks yesterday, t'was awesome.

I mean, metaphorically, if you get a girl's number, that's like 20 Points to your Ego.

if you get on her, that's like 100 points.

But what about the bonuses?

She's been going out with her boyfriend for 2 years.

+500 points. i Forced her to cheat.

not done yet, she's cheated on him THREE TIMES with me.

+2000 points.

2,620 ego points rewarded.

and im still not over that god forsakened BITCH.


Time is not on my side, even though i need it badly. I dislike not being able to have control.

I tried so hard Sarging today, two cold approaches, Two fails.

time isnt on my side at all, but i believe in time, hopefully it wont screw me over.

i decided not to talk to sophie ever again. if she talks to me, i'll talk but i'll be a dickhead

matt Rogers

"Try not to think about it too much at least. Then it means she has moved on. All I'm saying is... She's still there inside you. And you're taking your time to get over it. You seem like a caring person to me, and when you try I don't think it'll be too long till you get with someone else. And you'll put all your heart into it I'm sure. She just wants someone to feel the empty space, because she knows that you gave her the time of her life and now she can't stand being alone."


Matt you're a legend, cause you've cracked it already. Sophie's trying to make you jealous sub conciously. she wants you, and wants to see if you still care.

if you do still care, it'll give her the "haha i have jay as my fall back" idea. if you show that you dont care (but are friends with her) it'll show that you're the bigger man and has completely moved on.


be the bigger man, move on and look for other girls, if you dont want a relationship with that person, just get on them and fuck them, it doesnt matter

Bout le bitch again

went round demi's for the day, met emma goldsmith as well.

s'all good. until we just sat at the lake and stuff.

I met new people really. nailed number closes, quite easy really to be quite honest.


Anywho onto sophieos, cause she's the main part of my day:

it basically was fine. she was talking to becca and other randomers and shiz bout me probably, pissess me off really.


i decided to talk to her as i walked past. it was kinda awkard. more like a "are you ok? " "yeah im ok..." "are you sure?" "yeah im sure" sorta thing.


i pulled her close to hug her. she hugged me back.

then some twat screamed out "JOHN'S HEREEE!!!" to sophie.

Twat.

anywho, us lot just sat down, and i basically owned the group. Hooked 2 girls in, and another's my pivot. the people that came afterwards just fell into place, including them two.

me and john were fucking around, putting stuff into bottles and putting water in, then drinking it. (LOL)

i saw sophie take her wristband off.



anywho, we talked again, i asked her if she wanted to talk, she said yes but ddnt know where and shit. we talked anyways, on the lake part.

wasnt quite pleasing, we talked and shiz, and i hugged her. lots of people were staring at us from one side of the lake. nosey gits. i hugged her, aimed for a kiss to deliver the "sorry im not jon chart" line

Ddnt work, she refused.

she wanted to go. so i called her a bitch.

it was basically hell after that. seeing them hug each other etc.

okay, i gotta admit i was well upset and ddnt know what to do. i mean i tried to game these 2 girls that i started gaming earlier. it was allright for a few minutes, then they noticed that i wasnt myself.

I # closed both of them.

after that me emma and april walked to the train station. we sat down, and people started coming and stuff. i asked emma to ask sophie if we can talk. she ddnt reply but went off with john.

okay, here's the goodpart:

i spoke to richard palmer, the man, the LEGEND. he's technically my idol now.

anyways, he basically said that sophie's just hiding it. He knows that she still likes me. it shows. he said that he can see it from his point of view, breaking a lot of hearts and shit, he can see it. he says that she's just covering it up.


this gave me a new perception in life. Screwing people over by their own game.

I decided, that im gonna be friends with sophie, just to give her the "void."

this void is the gap between us two, whereas we were so close before, that i'll constantly try and pull away everytime i get closer to her. the "you're so close to me, yet you're so far away" effect.

I mean seriously, why would she tell me bout all this crap "oh he's so shy" and whatnot bout Jon? what is the point? what would she want me to say? she's filling me in, cause she wants me to be jealous.

Tough, cause its not gonna work. you know why? cause i figured her out.


I mean, ive been speaking to matt rogers as well, fucking hell this guy is clever.

Seriously, After 10 months, she's looking for someone to fill that void that i left her in.

John chart is trying to fill the gap, but ive left some big shoes to fill.

and having me on the side living my life will just make it more intresting for sophie outen.


She said earlier she took off her wristband cause she wanted to cut herself badly cause we werent talking. this was when she took her wristband off. this is where i got the idea.

The way im gonna handle things right now is that:

were friends, but i'll show no affection whatsoever, no <3, X or whatever.

I wont see her, like just us 2.

I WILL give her a proper hug, just to trigger back memories and butterflies for her.


Less is more.

I will give her no cluse as to who im going out with unless she asks. this way she stabs herself in the foot.

basically

the game plan is:

were friends, but i'll give her the lesser minimum. She is your past jay, get over it. i will FUCK a shit lot of girls, and i promise to give at least one blog input every week.

i also plan on getting my phone book heavier, get their numbers motherfucker. if she tries to give descriptions bout her and jon, leave it and just say "Idk lol". or "talk to eden."


Listen to me fucking carefully, the more you ask about jon and her, the more you'll get hurt. it wont do you any good at all.


move on, and FUCK mate. just move on.

Sophie this and Sophie that.

Yawn.

just a summary really:

We argued, well not really. i was being a dickhead to her and just rubbing everything in.


No need to get into details, not worth it.


anyways how was my day?

PIMPIN'. =D

this girl who really fancied me from before said that im really really good looking. Not sexy or whatever, but REALLY REALLY good looking. haha =D i was quite flattered, and i ddnt know how to turn it around. well if i was ready for that, then i cudve done a comeback =D

but anyways, that cheered me up. and i spoke to a few other girls about it, they quite agreed, they say i had nice features, specially the baby face and cheek structure. they said im the sex <3

as if i ddnt know that, but its nice for reassurance.


Btw, i make sure i walk around with a different girl clinging to my arm now. SOCIAL PROOOF BABY!

oh and how's this for a laugh, i was Semi-gaming this girl, and she was throwing all my negs back at me, it was typically a battle, and my Pivot (layla) just happened to walk past and just hugged me from behind+ kiss from the cheek.

Oooooh. BOYD.


=D

im gonna look soo fucking hot tomorrow, in your face sophie.this is what ur losing out on.

i hope jess isnt a nutter, if she is i'd have to spend my time with demi/amy/emma goldsmith instead. =D

Sod it mate!

Lmao, sophie's contradicting herself, so like i spoke to her for a bit, only because she spoke to me first and shiz.

but anyways, basically she said she still loves me (after all the crap she talked bout)

but it doesnt make sense that she's still flirting with john chart.

aye?

anywho, fuck that. who cares aye?

Im gonna fuck either kirsty, Hayley, or kristy. kristy seems like a good bet atm, were already talking bout what were gonna do when we meet up *winks*


and u know what, i AM the man. ive accomplished things, ive done that speech in front of 300 people, got a standing ovation and the news spread throughout college.

you're a fucking magician JAY, what are u ashamed about, go perform!

Things.

Things have been so fucked up to be quite honest, no one has ever made me feel that way, i had the comfort of having that HB 11 around my arm, fucking her and having a great time with her.

Gone.

As wispy said, step out of your comfort zone.

As Tom said, Its been a good run.

and as Emmanuel said, Be a dickhead. if she wanted me back that badly she wouldve waited for me to change my mind.

Today was excruciating. i woke up feeling horrible, i denied the fact that i was depressed. i got ready and went downstairs. i was 10 minutes earlier than the usual time i go out of the house. i was so depressed. i picked up the kitchen knife and looked at it carefully, the edge of it, i could feel it piercing the side of my leg, i wanted to self harm, on my leg. so tha tno one could see. i dropped the knife.

I picked it up again.

I dropped it and broke down.

I called Demi up. talked to her, she calmed me for a bit, and said that sophie aint worth it.

She isnt. Whore.

i left my house feeling depressed. shuffling a pack of cards again.

i got to the bus stop. was still shuffling, little conversation between people.

i threw my whole pack of cards away.

got on the bus, i cried. she really is a whore for making me feel this way.

i was allright, thanks to kirsty.

got to college, i felt so alone even though im amidst a shit lot of people.

a lot of people noticed what's up. they said cheer up, they never really suceeded. i went to my first lesson, i was so depressed. even my teacher noticed it. i nearly broke down in tears. this twat i thought before, that has no feelings, actually cared about me. i tried cutting myself with my house keys, god it felt nice to feel the pain, i stopped mid way, and it ended up swelling instead.

I went to my next lesson, it was psychology, and we had a mock exam. i didnt do very well. i had too many things on my mind, specially sophie.

there was a 15 minute break after the exam, and i spoke to emmanuel.

He's the man.

I spoke to him about a lot of things, he related to me. sophie didnt play me, he said. he said that we played a game, and she won. that's how i should see things.

Okay, makes sense. i also suggested "less is more."

less talking, is better than talking a lot. JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP JAY ALLRIGHT? STOP NAGGING HER ABOUT "US" and just move the fuck on. he said i should be a dickhead to her. i should be really to be quite honest, she became a whore, and she's hurt me so bad.

I told him, that once you give that girl an opening, and you're vulnerable, she hits you so hard, you dont even know that you got hit until its over. Hoe's are Sneaky bitches. Sneaky ass'ed BITCHES.

Now, im just going to sit back, live my life, and fuck any girl that comes along. No relationships whatsoever. I'll be a dickhead to sophie, i'll be friends with her, but not affectionate or anything


Now its, over, but I do admit I'm sad.
It hurts real bad, I cant sweat that, cuz I loved a hoe.