"let me put my gloves on.. and my scrubs on..."
I got on the bus. My bag slung to my right arm whilst im holding my bus ticket, and my Hazelnut hot chocolate on my left arm. im pissed off. working from 9-5. then Party. bad combination. i staggered to the back seat. there was a 3 set there. and they said something as i walked past them. it wasnt a formal Hello, it wasnt an IoI. nor was it an insult. wasnt quite sure. i think it was a personal joke which involved me. Fuck it. they're all too young anyways, stupid sluts.
i sat down, and i really hesitated on whether i should game them or not. i was too tired. but this is when i decided not to game.
Girl 1: i cant wait till may! imagine 10 people on a holiday.. loads of booze, loads of boys.. oohh yeah!
Girl 2: woooh! wait,You've been popping your spots havent you?
Girl 1: why?
Girl 3: Yeah you have been! you're sorta bleeding!
Girl 1: *looks in the mirror*
i was sort of holding my laughter in. that is such a turn off. the whole journey consisted of girl 1 looking at her reflection in the mirror and flicking her hair whilst the other 2 girls chatted happily.
All 3 were butt ugly, well sorta. the most decent one was Girl 1- and her face was a bit bleeding. hahahaha!
Got dressed and whatnot, met up with my wing girl, and wing man, and were off to the party.
its a surprise party for one of my best friends. and we were early. we sat down,and Taylor's lot came.
(confused? read Entry number 3 of this Journal and you'll get more info)
anywho, it was cockblock central. the two motherhens Hated me, Taylor wasnt making eye contact at all, and jamie werent even trying.
Screw you motherfuckers. im gonna go get drunk. me and my 2 wings fucked off to buy booze, laughing like there's no tomorrow, i seriously had such a great time that i didnt even mind not 'scoring'.
i took a piss outside. i cant be fucked. That’s piss number 1.
We jammed back to the house, we went the back way, cause these ‘blacks’ (as we phrased it) wudve jacked our booze. we bought Redbull and vodka. Gooood combination. i was pissed off that we didnt have ice though! we ended up getting drunk at the backgarden.
(Note, WingMan is Nigerian, And WingGirl is Nigerian, Im Filipino. Asian. Yes. And were quite open about racism. Casual racism. Lol)
We drank casually. Wing Girl doesn’t usually drink anything besides Malibu and coke (according to her) and WingMan is just some dick who drinks anything. Bastard.
We drank till the bottle was half empty, and I said to Wingman: Dude, lets do shots.
I poured out a shot of Vodka onto my glass, and a shot onto his glass. Glasses clinked, and the vodka was downed. I felt Hardcore. My mouth and stomach did not agree. Straight Vodka is the most disgusting and vile Shot ever. It is not smooth, it is not sweet, it tastes like nail polish remover. Absoloutely disgusting.
We staggered inside to say hi to the celebrant's Mother who just came home from work. WingMan ran off. His mother is a devout Christian. Wing Girl was too busy laughing or panicking, cant remember.
Me: *staggers* Hi Auntie, How are you?
Auntie: Ahhh, im Good Sin, how are you my son?
Me: *knocks off a can of coke* Im gooood auntie, im gooood.
during this point in time my 2 wings were on the floor laughing their head off. cause 'Auntie' (psuedonym) is a devout christian and does not allow booze to be present at her house.
walked outside to hide the vodka. Took another piss. Pisscount: 2.
we all went in the kitchen to find Taylor and the crew sitting down. the two Mother hens are eyeing on me like hawks. they hated my guts, and will not let me spit game at all. this is cock block to a whole new level.
I sat down, bit dizzy, but I managed to stay up. My wing girl started gaming.
Her: I love your dress!
Jamie: Thanks!
Her: haha you’re adorable.. what’s your name?
Jamie: Jamie.
Her: im WingGirl
*she turns towards taylor and repeats the same process to her, and the two motherhens.*
Insert fluff here that I didn’t participate in.
Here comes two more Potential targets, Bonnie and Clyde.
For story telling purposes, clyde will be a girl too. And she’ll be the fat one. Bonnie is kinda pretty. Definite HB 8 on my scale, but the foundation on her face is a turnoff. In total she’s a 7. I’d tap that still.
They sat down with us, and I think I offered them all some vodka. Fuck knows. All I know is that it disappeared after they came. (though I doubt they drank anything at all)
WingMan: oh my God, Sin, Show them Some Magic!
I started to do some Magic. This is fucked up. I can only remember a few bits, but as far as I can remember I did a few tricks, and bonnie and clyde were STILL impressed even though I was fucked outta my face. Hahahah! I dropped my cards a lot of times, but they were still impressed. Shit im talented.
This is where a gigantic Gap in my memory comes. There is just a void there. I know I didn’t kiss anyone, nor did I game Bonnie or Clyde, or Jamie or Taylor. Nadda. I have no idea what the fuck I did, but there was just a void. LOL!
The celebrant eventually Came let’s name him CT. Short for Chocolate Teddy (cause he likes that name). Apparently according to him, he stood outside his house for us lot to ‘Get ready’ and surprise him. Being Typical British Black people, They just partied. I was too fucking drunk to notice anything. I saw him come in, and I immediately gave him a hug.
Me: HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU BLACK BASTARD.
CT: Cheers you drunken Fuck.
Me: s’cool, S’cooool.. *passess out*
I came in the dance floor. Taylor and the crew were there. I think I said:
Me: Taylor, You’re Gorgeous. Come here.
Then there’s a void again, cant remember jack shit,but she definitely didn’t come near me. Haha.
They said they had to go, gave Both taylor and Jamie a hug, and passed out somewhere.
There is a massive gap again. I remember sitting down in the kitchen with the rubbish bin in front of me. I told them it was my best friend. Sinful was literally fucked outta his head. This black kid came in the kitchen and was standing near me, facing towards my direction.
I got pissed off. The bastard was wearing his hood, INSIDE the house, who the fuck does that. You know this guy is fucked up when they do that, seriously. I was drunk, but I still didn’t lose my logic. Hoodies inside? Nah motherfucker, that’s just fucked up.
Me: Who’s this? *points at Hoodie boy*
Hoodie Boy: Who?
Me: WHO… IS… THIS????!??!
Hoodie Boy: What do you MEAN who’s this? *takes two steps closer, to the point where I can smell his hot demented breath)
Me: Yo, WingMan, who the fuck is this?
Hoodie Boy: What do you mean though? Who’s this? I AM someone, the fuck do you mean?
Just as a heads up, this may not make sense to a lot of you, but you’d have to audible hear the conversation (if you can call it that) to intensify the interaction. This guy was ready to stab me, and I was giving him evil looks.
He walked out murmuring to himself, I thought: “Damn straight bitch, walk the fuck away.” And passed out again.
I woke up a bit, and I said:
Me: WingMan, I need to get sober Quick.. give me some food…
Wingman: Sin, there’s no food here, there’s chicken and Jellof rice though.
Me: Fuck off.. that’s way too spicy. Oi WingGirl, pass me that.
WingGirl: pass you what?
Me: Pass me THAT. (points at cereal)
Wing Girl: what, the bread?
Me: does it look like im pointing at bread, what kind of fucked up eyes do you have?
Wing girl (laughing): Oh the cereal! Haha aight.
Me: (gestures hands to charade a ‘Bowl’, they didn’t get it.) GIVE ME A DAMN BOWL.
Wing Man: YES SIR!
Me: Milk. And a spoon.
Wing Girl: Here, bitch!
I sit there happily eating my cereal, and I casually look at my Ben Sherman watch which recently got fixed. 1:40 Am. occasionally I missed my mouth and the cereal would land in the floor.
I promised to myself that if I dropped the bowl,I would clean it. A good 20 seconds after, I dropped the godfrosakened bowl.
This is out of respect to CT, because I mustered up every inch of adrenaline left in my body to stay sober, in order to clean the mess I made. Thank fuck the bowl I used was plastic, and the Rubbish bin wasn’t exactly far. (It was dead in front of me.)
I was starting to sober up. I told wing girl:
Me: Wing Girl, I am sad.
Wing Girl: Why?
Me: Because if I weren’t like this.. (points towards self) I could’ve gamed THAT. (points at Bonnie and clyde)
Wing girl (laughing) : Its True Sin, Its true. Mother has taught you well, but for now, Sleep. (Mother referring to herself.)
There was a rush of people coming from the living room to the kitchen, their face screwed up in a manner that looks like they were eating something sour. I wanted to try it.
“Someone’s spraying some shit, Fuck this!”
I thought to myself: Fuck, that must be some weird ass’ed Aftershave or cologne, how can it be that LETHAL that it evacuated the dance floor? I mean, Black parties tend to be B.o. heaven (Body Odour) but I didn’t think it’d be that bad, maybe someone shat themselves. Fuck it.
Me: WingGIrl, im going upstairs to get my shirt.
Wing Girl: haha no Sin, stay here, seriously it stinks in there.
Me: ah, I don’t care.
Before I entered the room, I held my breath and staggered upstairs. Before I entered the living room I held my breath, but I tested it out for the smell just before I entered the living room. I smelt nothing.
Then it came. That sensation that fills me up, whether I like it or not, I cant really decide. I sneezed.
Sneeze number 1. Followed by sneeze number two.. and three.. and four. Until it was about the 11th time and I was on the floor on all fours, teary eyed with saliva and snot drooping from my nose and mouth in front of me.
Wingman and wingGirl couldn’t stop laughing. CT was laughing as well.
CT: Sin, I told you don’t fucking enter the living room, some bastard sprayed pepper spray!
Shit, that was it. Pepper spray. It makes sense.
There was a void here again, cant remember.
I somehow landed outside with CT, Wing Girl and Wingman. We started dancing.
I put some music on my phone and we had a dance off outside. Apparently I was still good, even though I staggered a lot. We had quite a few onlookers.
Random Girl 1: Heyyy Sin. You allriiight?
Sin: yeah. Drunk. Sup?
Random girl number 2: (Touches my arm) You allright sin?
Sin: *looks at the area where girl 2 touches my arm*
Random girl 3: he looks drunk.
Sin: You think? Shit, you’re a genius.
Random girl 1: haha, you’re so funny… listen, have you got £3.00?
At this point I stepped back and started laughing.
Sin (laughing): CT, hahahhaha CT, did you hear this? These bastards are trying to hustle money off me! Hahahaha! I may be drunk, but I still aint gonna give you jack shit!
I walked up to CT and said:
“Dude, im still fucking hammered mate, you really need to help me find WingGirl or WingMan.. im sleeping round WingGirl’s house with WingMan and shit… so yeah..”
CT: I got your back man, trust. Lets go.
So we fought off Legions of black bastards trying to swindle money off me, and black bastards trying to talk to CT (cause he’s alpha, lol)
I cant remember what happens. I remember a few things, but I’ll fast forward it.
I was sober a bit, my adrenaline was kicking in. it was me, wing girl, wing man, TallBoy and Comfort walking to the train station to get picked up. If we bump into any chavs were sorta fucked. Im trying to stay alert. We arrived at the train station. I needed a piss.
Piss number 3. Right at the Red mailbox. Wingman was laughing, Wing girl was going “eww… HAHHAHAHAH.. but eww sin! Hahgahahhahaha!”
The driver arrived, it was wing girl’s sister. for some reason comfort was sitting on my lap. I was laughing my head off. Im drunk outta my head and ive got a girl on my lap. I weren’t even trying or anything. All this pickup bullshit weren’t helping.
That’s the moment when I know I was really fucked outta my head, cause of what I thought at the time. I went:
Shit, TallBoy I thought you were the pimp? Why the fuck have I got Comfort on my lap? This is wrong man, You’re the better pimp, why is she on my lap? Shit, ive got more game than them bastards on Xboxlive. Im drunk and im still pulling.
They thought it was funny, I wasn’t amused.
We arrived at wing girl’s at around about 3 AM. I just laid there on the couch. Wing girl said im not aloud my shoes on. I took em off with my feet. And passed out.
I woke up at half 3, and the two bastards were watching spongebob. I said:
Why the fuck are you watching spongebob?
I slapped wing man in the face (cause he was nearest) and went back to bed.
PM Sunday, me winggirl and wingman just relaxed round wing girl’s house until 6 pm. Utter hilarious. We were talking about what the fuck I did (Which is why I remembered quite a lot seeing that they were both sober and I was drunk outta my head)
Flashback:
Apparently the same boy that I had the encounter with was also the same boy that used the pepper spray. He didn’t do it once, he did it three times apparently, and WingMan (being a loyal friend that he is) asked him to leave nicely.
Black people, seeing that they’re black were shit stirring. They went:
Seeing that you guys wont be familiar with Black terminology (since they tend to invent their own language, I’ll translate)
Black group 1: OOHH, IS HE GETTING RUDE NOW DOE? IS HE GETTING RUUUUUUDDDDEEEE!?” (is he getting rude now?)
Black dude number 2: Ahh BLOOD, he’s bare rude u kno, what he chattin abaaaaaaatttttt. (Ahh, dude, He’s really rude you know, what’s he talking about?)
Hoodie Boy: Is this your house numba? (is this your house?)
WingMan: No, but its my friends house. *you can tell that my friend is still sober, cause he’s still civilized)
Hoodie: well den.
WingMan: can you leave, Please.
Black group 1: OOH BRUV, HE’S GETTING BARE RUDE.
CT steps in and holds Black group 1 out while Hoodie boy and wingman was still squaring off.
CT: WingMan, go upstairs, I’ll handle this.
None of our lot (wingman, Wing girl, Tallboy, comfort, ) was there to witness this, but apparently CT told hoodie boy to never go back to his house ever again. He’s one of them people that got invited to the party because he knew one person, and the person knew another.
Hoodie Boy is apparently the little brother of some crazy black guy who stabs people. He stabs people too apparently. Thank fuck im still alive.
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